On my blog, I promote Islamic values as an ideal way to solve problems in today’s society that I see in my own community with regards to relationship crises. Using these values as a foundation for the ideas I advocate, I seek to encourage men to treat women with respect, not as sex objects (e.g., not engaging in no-strings-attached sex). I also seek to encourage people to live chastely, to abstain from drugs (including cigarettes, weed, and alcohol), and to confine sexual intercourse to marriage. As a result of living in this manner, there will naturally be no out-of-wedlock childbirth, no abortions, no abuse against women, and no women abandoned by the father of their child left to be a single parent.
Some people were offended by my article “I Don’t Want to Marry You But We Can Be Friends with Benefits” and my article about a virtuous woman. I am aware that not all of the content on my blog is compatible with other people and their liberal viewpoints. Some people have even taken offense to an article I wrote in which I said women are sensitive, labeling it as “sexist.” This reader was offended by my statement that “by nature, a woman is sensitive; she seeks committed, harmonious relationships, not to engage in casual sex only to be tossed aside by you when you get bored.”
However, this assumption that it was intended to be a sexist comment is incorrect. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive; in fact, many people, including myself, find it to be an admirable quality. In any case, many Muslim women have praised and admired my articles that deal with male and female relationships, and the only criticism I’ve ever received was, not surprisingly, from those who fall outside of the target demographic for my blog.
Again, on my blog, I promote and will continue to promote Islamic values as a guide for how male-female relationships should be. With that in mind, I would like to further discuss this issue of heartbreak.
In her song, “If I Were You,” singer Tamia describes an experience that is all too common among women nowadays. She describes meeting a guy who she has a difficult time establishing a relationship with because of heartbreak she has experienced previously. She sings, “If I were you, I wouldn’t be here. If I were you, I would stay right where you are. I wouldn’t come near this broken heart.” When women have been psychologically traumatized as a result of bad relationships, they then carry their heartache with them, which prevents them from falling in love again. Tamia tells this man, “I can’t trust in love.” It’s so sad that she is experiencing this, because despite the potential that the relationship may have, her past experiences make her hesitant to establish a real relationship again; as she says, “my heart has given up.”
Bad relationships have long-term negative effects on women even years afterwards. Women who have been “played” by men are inhibited when they attempt to give themselves completely to the one they love, even within marriage. Everyone wants to find someone to love throughout their entire life. Tami sings of this: “I pray that this time, love lasts eternally.” Her view is a good one: in a world where men are conditioned to commit acts of infidelity, one’s last resort is to pray to God. In fact, God wants us to be in harmonious relationships that lead to peace:
“And among His marvels is that by a special creation did He evolve from you and of your own kind mates to form the complement to you as your counterparts in whom you seek consolation and find comfort, and between you both He implanted affection and mercy. These are tokens emblematic indeed of Allah’s Omnipotence and Authority that are observed by people who ponder.”
However, we can only have these relationships when will follow these spiritual laws. Otherwise, we end up with chaos and heartbreak in our lives. Tamia sings:
“Sometimes I sit at home and wonder
How it be if he had loved me truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing it never happens for me.”
Rather than seeking long-lasting harmonious relationships, many men prefer to get women to fall for them so they will sleep with them, and then break their delicate hearts when they repeat their cycle of promiscuity. This leads young women to sit alone, contemplating what she could have done to drive him away from her, and develop a negative outlook on relationships. Particularly if this happens repeatedly to her, she may develop the belief that all men are like that and view men in a negative light. Tamia sings:
“Sometimes I sit at home by the phone
Hopin’ he might call me but he don’t call me
But then I realize dreams come true aren’t for girls
Like me not like me.”
Many men play a variety of manipulative games to control women. One of these is to promise to call the sister but never following through or even sending a text message; this is to get her hopes up only to crush them. Whether men realize it or not, such behavior takes a negative toll on women and makes them feel undesirable and rejected. Women are sensitive and do not deserve such treatment. In one of her songs, Aaliyah sings:
“How could the one I shared my dreams with take my dreams from me?
How could the love that brought such pleasure bring such misery?
Won’t somebody tell me? Somebody tell me, please.
If you love me, how could you do that to me?”
This is what happens when we treat women as sexual objects and do not have sincere intentions. As the Qu’ran tells us:
“This day, good and pure things have been made lawful for you. … chaste Muslim women as well as chaste women from amongst those given the Book before you…, provided you marry them for a conjugal life adhering to chasteness and decency, and not for open lasciviousness merely satisfying your lust, nor for secret love affairs.”
Instead of seeking the chaste relationships that the Qu’ran advocates, men often use their sex drive to make decisions, and their unrestrained sexual desire leads to STDs, out-of-wedlock childbirth, and heartbreak. So to avoid this, treat women with kindness, gentleness, and be faithful to them. Give women a reason to believe in love. Write her a poem or do another sweet, romantic gesture for her. Take her out on a date and be kind to her. Give her a reason to still believe in love, and unbreak her heart.